It’s amazing how one’s life can change so much in such a short period of time. It’s been exactly nine months since my graduation day and my life couldn’t be more different now. Not just my life, really. I am different. But it’s the good kind of different, you know? Some nights, when I’m lying on my bed waiting to fall asleep, I just think about my life in general; and sometimes I specifically think about who I used to be and what type of person I’m turning into. It now amazes me whenever I think of the shitty things I’d done in the past, things that now mortify me, things that I certainly wouldn’t do anymore at this point in my life. But, if given the chance to go back, I believe I wouldn’t change anything nonetheless. Why? Simply because every single shitty (and awesome) decision I had made has brought me here. And I like it here. I like the me now. No. I love the me now (although I’m still working on her, which is good; major project ongoing actually but let me save that for another post). I’m in my early 20s and I haven’t majorly fucked up my life. I’d done things I shouldn’t be proud of, but who hasn’t? I may not be Beyoncé, but I’m taking my time to figure things out on my own (with the occasional help of beloved friends and family members). I do get some kind of panic attack every now and then when I think of THE FUTURE (because that shit is scary), but I’m teaching myself to calm the fuck down because I am still young (although whenever I come across someone younger than me I feel pangs of anxiety, but that’s another story.). And it’s not like I’m throwing my life away. I did graduate from college. And I do have a job. So, not bad at all. It’s actually both fun and funny to reminisce and cringe every time I remember a particular incident I’d rather bury in the deepest parts of my mind. But one of the things that I really really like now is the way I feel about myself and life. Months and months ago I decided to let go of negative feelings and focus on the good side of things. It is not easy, but it is working like a charm. I can’t say that there are no more bad days, but there’s been a huge improvement. Perhaps I’ve learned to love myself a lot more. Perhaps I’m looking at the world from a different perspective. Perhaps it’s a lot of little things that, when put together, are giving me the ability to truly appreciate life. Whatever it is, I’m gonna hold on to it tight. Because this is one of the best feelings in the world.
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